I'm Dashing; Not Crashing

1.) Assume Drivers Can't See You, They are blinded by folks on two-wheels: so Ride assuming that you and your motorcycle are totally invisible to motorists. That means you must never assume that drivers can see you; only you can see the other. The odds are, they can't believe it even if they did SEE ya or your yaself, hence they develop an "Out" for dangerous traffic situations; both aggressive and yet ignorant of two-wheelers- hence going offensive. your Head and your Motorcycle's Heath depends on you.

2.) Maintain Safe Spacing: Leave plenty of space in front and back and to the sides from all other vehicles. Be an island. Stay away from traffickers as much as possible. You don't wanna be kidnapped, nabbed or Bike-Jacked by those characters anyways. Plus This gives you more visibility and more time to react to actions and situations that will be generously forthcoming from the vanguard and the rear- yeah, the rear.

3.) Anticipate Trouble: Anticipate trouble situations and know what to do when you see them.If its a weekend and you are on the Express Way; chances are every vehicle coming that way wants to Express Themselves- an easy and dangerous feat after guzzling down a couple of pegs or pints at the many locals pubs that have sprung up faster than you can say "ROSSI!" Analyze what vehicles are doing and try to predict the outcome. Do not use a Compass- its hopeless. Then make sure you're ready to avoid a bad traffic situation. Hint: if a motorist gives you the finger or a F shout-out, then get outta there! When you get home and still feel bitter about the Fingered F, come back out. But this time get into your mean four-wheeled machine and bring along that trusted companion; the Machete and then see how respectful those motorists become.

4.) Beware of Oncoming Right Turners: Beware of oncoming motorists turning right in front of you at intersections and whatever kind of junction you are at. Many a bro driving the Thimphu lanes just cut right--- a Sharp Right! If this happens you are done and your bike is done! A hardcore biker writes about such encounters of the fatal kind at X's & S' & U-Turns etc..."Its the leading cause of death of motorcycle riders. I'm deadly serious here. I have personally lost many friends to this accident. If you only remember one tip here, let it be this one. Slow down before you enter an intersection. Have an escape route planned. Stay visible. Don't travel too close to cars in front of you. Position your bike so it can be seen by the Right Turner. Eye contact is not enough." Should you live and find your limbs working, pull that bloody bastard outta the vehicle and badger him with your helmet or well, just pick up the Bike and Drop it on him (I said that!).

5.) Ride Your Own Ride: Don't try to keep up with your friends who may be more experienced or impatient or in simple-hasty-state of mind and wanna gallop the highways like the old western trails. Know your personal limits. Know your horse and ride your own pony no matter what temptations of Too Fast & Just Too Furious and the accompanying Diesel images prod you to Go Cool and Fast.. You'll probably die or worse, get injured and have the whole thing procrastinated! .

6.) Watch Out for Curves: Beware of taking curves that you can't see around. A parked truck or a patch of sand may be awaiting you, if not the errant cabbie who's in such a hurry to get to Destination Z and collect his fare that the Bugger bugs it all by Bludgeoning you. Keep said errant-driver tied and when the whole gang's present, Carve the tattoos you've always wanted to on the Bugger's body. Start with Forehead and work downwards...

7.) Don't Give In to Road Rage, Become The Road Rage: Do not give in to road rage and try to "Get Odd" with another rider or motorist. Get Even and Be a Road Rager and let the Buggers know "You WILL NOT take this barbaric injustice and highway dominance just 'cos the bastards are jealous that you can move around on Two when they need the Four- wheelers. If you follow these tips, chances are these buggers will stop their vehicles and give you a sharp salute the next time you cross paths. But do calm down, slow down, and collect your thoughts first (is scattered all over the horizon). Then continue on and enjoy the ride. That's what we're all out there for in the first place is another thing we remember to forget to remember.

8.) Don't allow Tailgating: If someone is tailgating you, either speed up and as you overtake, yell out this timeless Montana liner- "Say Hello To My Li'l Friend" or ride and open space. Or pull over and let the monkees pass; their music sucks anyways. Life is too short and the road is god darned long! Remember that a bike can stop faster than a car so you don't want a truck on your tail when you find yourself trying to brake to avoid an accident. Also, don't tailgate the vehicle in front of you. Oncoming drivers can't see you. And even if they did, what do they care? So really, become Jerry to those Bastards' Tom!

9.) Don't Be Blinded by Sun-glare, even if its Jack Easy Nicholson himself grinning at ya with his brows: Beware of riding your motorcycle into sun glares too- that solar light can be blinding. All it takes is turning a corner and finding that Sunny raying your face or passing straight through your windshield (?). Some helmets have shields to block the sun while others have nothing but a solar panel to Dry those Beef Jerky. Face shields help somewhat. But sometimes you just find yourself blinded by the light. So get a Sun-Cap and an Anti-Sun-Tan; Slow down, pull over, shield your eyes with your eyelids but always keep that Retina open; and oh! Look for a way to change direction without going off the road.

10.) Avoid Riding at Night and Try Driving: Avoid riding at night, especially late Saturday nights and early Sundays when drunks may be on the road passing out standing up and trying to imbalance the balance. It goes without saying that you shouldn't drink and ride but then who listens to rules or regulations? Going bar hopping? Leave the bike at home and truck-pool and failing that; find a designated driver who's a proven and respected teetotaler.

What Am I Trying To Say About Motorcycle Safety? I Keep AcciDenting!

The best way to be safe is to stay home and watch Manchester United win; or watch Barcelona thrash the shit outta of every other team or just twiddle your thumb and wag your fingers. Or, on a ore serious note- take a Don't Uselessly Never Crash Elephants (DUNCE) course to learn the basic ways to control your motorcycle and to learn how to recognize traffic situations that you need to be ready to handle or if its a monkee behind the wheel, Banter- (Not Available in Bhutan!).

Always wear protective clothing and a helmet- such as a Ganji and a Topi. A tiny beanie helmet held on by a thin strap and affixed with a fake DOT sticker is not enough to prevent the SKULATION of your non-performing Head. Now go dash and try avoiding the crash.

(^) LOVE TO RIDE; RIDE TO LOVE - {{{::::::::::::>>>